Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
