Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
