I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
