I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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