I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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