He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
