its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
