Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
