the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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