So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
