These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
