so that wasnt chicken after all
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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