My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Four minutes until I can fart!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
