im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
