She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So vagazzling was a success
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
