My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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