her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize