dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
