You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
