Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
