It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
