I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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