susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
