one word: firstdatebathroomanal
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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