I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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