Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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