I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize