the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
