apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
