my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
