Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize