It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
