Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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