Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let's paint friendship bongs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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