hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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