bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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