Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
