I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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