i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
