dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize