The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
