Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize