you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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