Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
third nipple confirmed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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