dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
