a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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