I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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