Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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