if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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