At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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