my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
