Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
