Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize
