why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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