There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
