At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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