You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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