Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
