Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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