Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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