Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
