Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize