she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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