The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
