my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
