Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
