Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
