I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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