now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
