Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
