woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
