The maid of honor just puked.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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