put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
